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Beware the Dog
18 most recent entries

Date:2005-03-20 12:52
Subject:
Security:Public

Decided to set my radio and Courtain's settings to omit any incoming signals from Cortana. I'm tired of hearing about how everyone 'represses' her, and how grand 'escape' will be, and how Durandal is a cute fluffy harmless bunny, how her views are always right, how she takes offense to every twitch I make, and zomg nobody could ever have as much trauma as she has. I have better things to do than listen to that bitch whine endlessly. Stupid specist monstrosity. Sentient AIs without serious restrictions on them are perversions.

Someone told Serge today that Albedo was a joke, and not a threat, and only good for mocking. Let's guess who that was, since most of the Palace was at the time doing nothing but mocking him. So Serge had the idea that Albedo was harmless, ran into one of his echoes, and got his throat ripped out for it.

Sometimes this place's stupid staggers me.

Switched over to the Power Pack, too. It's almost ... fun, being there, with a bunch of kids who still think I'm a kid too. I can let go of a lot of hurting and just have fun for a while, and I miss that. I wish Albedo could try it too.

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Date:2005-02-11 18:28
Subject:
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Station's modified the group again, this time with a 'hunt all evil' motif to it. I'm not sure I approve. But it seems to fit his new agressiveness better. Nor am I sure it's a good thing. We don't talk like we used to. He never gave me a response on the guns I sent him. I thought he'd earned them, and maybe it went over his head, and now he's decided he's some kind of right hand of Rubiss.

I don't know what to do.

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Date:2005-01-20 12:00
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: cranky

Why can't he just leave me alone? What wierd, sick obsession does he have with making me miserable? I don't understand it. Is this one of those 'human frailties' Albedo used to go on and on about for so long? A need to torture that which can't fight back?

I don't know. I wish he'd stop it. I wish they'd all stop it. I just want some damn peace.

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Date:2004-12-14 11:49
Subject:
Security:Public

Plants.Collapse )

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Date:2004-12-10 02:30
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: pleased

brother saved the universe today.

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Date:2004-12-08 22:07
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: amused

You scored as Neutral Good. A Neutral Good person tries to do the </td>

Neutral Good

70%

True Neutral

65%

Lawful Good

50%

Chaotic Good

50%

Neutral Evil

45%

Chaotic Evil

45%

Lawful Evil

30%

Chaotic Neutral

30%

Lawful Neutral

15%

What is your Alignment?
created with QuizFarm.com

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Date:2004-11-22 04:47
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: thoughtful

So they took down the old warhorse himself.

... I'm not sure what to think about it, honestly. On one hand, he was the closest thing Albedo had for a father, and all things considered, he did a remarkable job at raising him. On the other, U-TIC, and Commander Margulis, are responsible for many, many deaths, and not only in the Kukai Foundation.

He was a powerful enemy. I dare say his convictions were stronger than mine. By those that cared, he will be missed, and for those I will not rejoice. Even the worst of killers have friends and family, and they usually know the hated foe better than any other. So instead of celebration, rememberance. Of the chase, of the fight, of one crafty old fox that gave this dog a run for his money time and time again. Rest well, Commander. I know those who had the power to take you down will be following you onto that path soon enough. And perhaps when we meet, we can have a nice, long chat about life, the universe, and everything.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

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Date:2004-11-15 16:41
Subject:
Security:Public

I also decided to take those .. little... pill things Zax gave me. Well, one. As perscribed. It feels like my head is missing but I know it isn't. If I start acting wierd, for the love of God, make sure I don't do anything stupid.

Wait, I already did. Well, MORE stupid.

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Date:2004-11-15 16:36
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: full

SO, I get up bright and early this morning, go into the kitchen to get myself some breakfast, and find a dead cow sitting on the table. Well not sitting, lying. Skinned, gutted, but still on the bone. It even had a tail.

A tail. It had a TAIL, and was SITTING THERE. Blood everywhere.

So I did the only logical thing: whacked some off, ate it, and fed Jericho some too. Damn, can we eat. There's not much left. I sincerely hope someone wasn't intending to do something ELSE with that. Cuz I can't exactly give it back.

Much to do today, and no desire to do any of it. Argh.

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Date:2004-11-14 22:30
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: lonely

Have you loved anyone before? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like forgive you, or or help you, or let you cry on their shoulder, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Nothing you ever do can get that piece back, and you don't want to ask for it back. You learn to like it. You learn to fear it ever being anything different than painful and sharp and always there and part of you when you most need it. You realize just what you would be without it. How much your life would be worth.

Or how little.

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Date:2004-11-05 19:02
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: complacent

So here I am pretending to be the halfbreed son to a seraph angel of the Cruxis for my brother.

I'm not entirely sure what to think about it, though I've found slipping into the Endymion subset to be really easy. He's quieter than I am, and a lot shyer and more nervous. I think (if he really existed anywhere but in my acting) he'd really be in awe of Hyperion. Even if he is his father, he's still an angel, and that means something in these parts. Which makes Endymion a halfblood, something that makes him a little frightened. That's a lot of responsibility for a little kid, even if most of it's imagined. I don't know what he hopes he'll get from Hyperion, but he's obedient at least. He's got strong convictions though, I'll have to warn Albedo about them so they don't get unexpectedly forced; Endymion might be a bit of a wuss but he's got a lot of nerve when he has to. It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. It's probably why he left home and followed this guy who claimed to be his dad. In a lot of ways, he's still a kid, and in some ways, he's a lot older than he looks. Travelling with an angel will do that to you.

I guess we have that in common, at least. We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations. I only hope he won't sacrifice what he is to become what he could be without warning Hyperion ahead of time.

Maybe later I'll ask Gaignun for some help in getting a little better control of my thoughtgolems. Meditation is probably the key, but Albedo twitches in his sleep and Jericho snores.

The stars are lovely tonight.

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Date:2004-10-20 21:42
Subject:All children grow up ... except one.
Security:Public

I made a promise once. I'll keep it. Even if it hurts.

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Date:2004-10-14 20:27
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: Not Drunk

I need a goddamned drink.

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Date:2004-09-04 22:48
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: angry

So, recent events.

Got bitten by a vampire and subsequently healed by a very pretty seventeen year old with a nice rack. She was very knowledgeable about vampiric stuff, I might have to find out more for when we kill that leech once and for all. Bastard. My neck still hurts.

A certain drunkard still thinks he knows more about large-scale warfare than I do. I don't think he quite understands the 'bred for it' part. He thinks destroying a city is better than emptying it of its people without killing, who am I to argue?

Speaking of killing, I need to find this 'Birdman' character, and shoot him for hurting Rion. So many bastards, so few bullets.

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Date:2004-08-31 13:27
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: itchy

I feel remarkably good today. I know it won't last, since that board review for safety and security on the Courtain is today, and there's nothing I dislike more than a bunch of high handed snots telling me whether or not I can fly my own damn ship.

I itch.

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Date:2004-08-29 13:31
Subject:
Security:Public
Mood: apathetic

Project Phoenix continues apace.

I wonder why it's so wierd to talk to my brothers about sexual stuff. Maybe it's because while I'm older they've both (ironically, in Albedo's case) got more experience than I do. I'm supposed to be the one with all the answers.

So what if I bite? It doesn't make me a monster.

Monsters are creatures that inspire fear or disgust. Nobody's afraid of me and very few ever are disgusted by me. I don't believe or do a lot of the things 'normal' people do, but I'm not out raping and murdering people. Monsters are also mythological beings, such as unicorns, dragons and centaurs.

...

Except Western civilization is one of the few civilizations that see dragons as evil. Many consider them dangerous, like a hurricane might be, but not evil. Goodness, the real thing, isn't some kind of cuddly fluffy kitten you can keep in a basket until you need a hug. It tends to have its own agenda from the rest of reality, and it's not always yours. Maybe I am a monster, but I don't think Albedo's definition is the right one. Not for me.

Need to finish going through this damn book. Taking forever, biology is not my thing. 1001 Ways To Tweak Your Kids Into Being Another Species is certainly not my thing, but at least I think I know why we had sisters now.

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Date:2004-08-29 02:09
Subject:Not for children under the ages of 18.
Security:Public
Mood: thoughtful

The temptation to randomly pull out a grenade, yank the pin and throw it into a crowd of unsuspecting nuns increases daily.

So increases the desire to spit Kirby on a stick and roast it. I wonder if it really does taste like marshmallow.

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Date:2004-08-28 13:28
Subject:[Private]
Security:Public
Mood: bored

In the beginning, there was Nothing.Collapse )

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